When first we started our affair
I tried to show how deeply I would care
Told you my secrets one by one
Tried to involve you in my fun
I didn’t wait to call you mine
I spent the fall turning down other guys
I felt like we would never end
Wanted to call you my boyfriend

Well, I was looking in the mirror, thinking of the future,
Seeing you as someone, something I should nurture
Held you in my arms and offered you my bedroom
Read you plays and stories, lighting up the gloom, I was
Faithful in affection, loyal through depression,
Patient through your anger, calm when you’re pedantic
So desperate to please you, searching for approval
Quietly afraid you’d plot for my removal

I didn’t mean to make you cry
I didn’t mean to tell a lie, I never said that I would stay
You always knew I’d go away
But still I’d hoped to call you mine
I didn’t mean to make you cry
I didn’t mean to break your heart,
I didn’t mean to tear our love
I didn’t mean to kill a dove

But you never kissed the way I like
There just was something not quite right
I always felt something was off
Like we were singing out of key
Like we were gears in a machine
That ground and gnashed whenever they would meet
You didn’t hear when I said “No”
Maybe you couldn’t let it go
You were selfish in affection, brash and lost and angry,
Rude about my weight, and desperate to upstage me
Rough when I was hurt, consumed by your depression
Closed-minded and foolish, teeming with aggression
Stilted and incapable of being tender
Broken by your past, and stunted by your gender
Deaf to my protesting, dumb—why were we fighting?
... Why were we fighting?


I didn’t mean to make you cry
Maybe I meant to hurt you so, maybe I meant to cause you pain
Maybe I meant to start again
Maybe I meant to break your heart
Maybe I meant to wound you so damn much that you couldn’t ever let me go—
And I just wanted you to know—I didn’t mean to make you cry